Couples Therapy
“That which is created in a relationship can be fixed in a relationship.”
- Murray Bowen
Whether you are married, preparing for marriage, or in a committed relationship, navigating relationship dynamics can be challenging at any stage.
As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I specialize in helping couples address relational challenges and strengthen their connections. I work with couples of all genders, ages, religious backgrounds, and sexual orientations, including heterosexual, gay, lesbian, and bisexual couples who are seeking meaningful change in their relationships.
As a couples therapist, I understand relationship challenges within the broader context of each partnership. I explore how the issues you are experiencing are shaped by the relationship itself, as well as by each partner’s personal history, beliefs, and life experiences. Together, we work to gain insight, improve communication, and foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Therapy helps couples recognize the patterns that keep them stuck and gain a clearer understanding of how each partner’s responses can unintentionally trigger the other’s familiar reactions.
Like a dance, partners develop recurring patterns of interacting with one another. The “music” of that dance—emotion—shapes how those interactions unfold. Feelings such as fear, anger, sadness, hurt, or disappointment often influence the way couples communicate, respond, and connect.
Over time, couples can become entrenched in repetitive ways of relating, processing emotions, and managing conflict. By exploring the emotions beneath these patterns and learning healthier ways to express and respond to them, couples can rebuild trust, strengthen emotional safety, and create a more supportive and connected relationship.
NURTURING THE RELATIONSHIP BOND
There are many reasons why couples get stuck, struggling to connect and communicate as they once did. Some couples wait many years and are “on the brink” when they seek therapy. Other couples use therapy to negotiate and work through challenges they face over time. Whatever the reason, a committed relationship requires effort and time to nurture and maintain a healthy and satisfying bond. In other words, a happy and fulfilling relationship demands consistent and continuous work; it doesn’t happen on its own.
Keeping one’s relationship sacred and a priority can be challenging. Busy schedules, work demands, parenting responsibilities, and other life requirements leave less time and focus on the relationship. Couples often slowly drift apart. Major life events (birth of a child, caring for an elderly parent, death of a family member, becoming empty nesters, etc.) and personal challenges (depression, addiction, job loss) affect the relationship as a whole and can make it difficult for both partners to maintain a solid handle on the relationship.
Therapy can help couples process difficult challenges and find more effective ways to communicate and manage conflict. It can help couples commit to each other in a new way and find enjoyment and support in each other again. Through therapy, couples begin to actively remember and nurture what they admire and appreciate about each other, rather than focusing only on the negatives of what may not be working in the relationship.
Relationship Barometer Questions:
Are you and your partner fighting and bickering more than usual?
Has communicating with your partner over simple issues become difficult and frustrating?
Have you lost the emotional or physical connection with each other that once seemed effortless?
Has an affair come between you and your partner? Are you wondering how you can ever trust your partner again and recover from this?
Are you co-habitating like roommates and wondering how it got to this point?
Are you new parents and struggling with this major life transition?
Are you having difficulty becoming pregnant or has infertility shattered your dreams of having a family together?
Are you good at almost everything together but sex? Or vice versa?
Are you facing boredom in your relationship?
Are you having a difficult time getting along with your in-laws?
Partners begin to self-focus, take responsibility, and step away from their usual “blame-criticize-defend” stance, learning to refine their communication skills. Other benefits of therapy include couples reaching out and responding to each other in a more respectful, clear, and calm manner.
Any relationship can be recreated when both parties are dedicated to each other and can work together in a positive and caring way.
Not all relationships last. In and during my work with couples, I also help couples through the process of separation. This can be a painful progression, especially if one person does not want the relationship to end. The goal is to honor each person’s perspective and choices and work towards a civil and respectful parting of the relationship.
In my work with couples, I utilize a Family Systems approach and have found the following two research-based models of couples therapy to be extremely effective in helping couples renew their love and attachment to each other and heal from emotional injuries.
In my practice, my work with couples often encompasses, but is not limited to, the following areas:
Trust and Betrayal
Infidelity
Intimacy or Sex Related Issues
Communication without Defensiveness
Regulating Emotions and Tuning into Partner’s Emotions
Understanding Each Other’s Vulnerabilities
Managing Conflict
Premarital Counseling
Separation or Divorce
Parenting or Co-Parenting
Life Cycle Transitions
Empty Nesters
Emotional or Physical Disconnection
Dealing with and Managing the Extended Family
THE GOTTMAN METHOD FOR COUPLES THERAPY:
John and Julie Gottman developed this method. With over 40 years of clinical study and practice, they are the pioneers in couples’ research. They describe what distressed couples do that tends to break up their relationships, but more importantly, what couples can do to promote and sustain healthy and satisfying relationships. Couples learn how to resolve conflict more effectively and turn towards each other with more understanding, resulting in a deeper connection and intimacy. Couples develop more respect and affection for each other, learning to accept better their differences rather than constantly trying to change their partner. Gottman’s research has shown how kindness and generosity among couples are a strong predictor of maintaining long-lasting relationships.
EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED COUPLES THERAPY (EFT):
EFT is based on the research and clinical work of Dr. Susan M. Johnson and colleagues. This model supports attachment theory in couples. EFT intends to reprocess emotional experiences and redefine interactions to create a secure connection between partners, always with a focus on attachment concerns.
Safety, trust, and emotional contact are key in creating secure bonds in couples, and without them, couples become distressed and vulnerable. In therapy, the goal is to heal attachment and emotional injuries that may have been created within the relationship. Couples learn to engage, reach, and respond to each other in a new corrective emotional experience.
A couple that feels safe and secure in knowing their partner “has their back” and is there for them emotionally when needed is least vulnerable to becoming distressed.